barf

yesterday i had a lovely time at rehearsal -- we're all ready aside from the narrator-- and took dax out to dinner (burger) and drinks (two glasses of wine and a vodka tonic) where we bitched about boys and dating.

why is it the boys around me always tend to be the ones that don't want to settle down? i know i seem scary -- and i rescind my comments regarding my desire to get married. i do.

i mean, you know what i mean. i just want someone to be nice to me and not have this tinge of self importance or narcissism. i have way too much of that already. i just want to stare into the mirror -- into my stupid pupils -- and say "oh, you think you have problems? some people don't even have eyes." thats probably what i actually need. but then there are the royals. then there's that boy standing next to me who seems to have everything. "how do you get your body to look like that? do you shave every day? how often do you work out? your dick is still bigger than mine despite all of my prayers. and i pray every night. it's ok that you're balding; i find that cute. or, it's ok that you're balding; you don't seem to mind."

the gay royalty thing is really getting me down.