i think my life is going through puberty -- like, all at once, changes are happening externally all around me. moving into a new apartment, finding this new studio, designing this new show, remounting Duncan -- all happening so suddenly and without any forgiveness or understanding.

i spent the last few days home sick with strep. it was a sudden attack, consisting of a minor ache at the end of the day (immediately following the signing of our new lease) and almost immediately maturing into a deep aching fever and swollen glands. i went to bed early that night, just after ten, and shook myself into a restless sleep. woke at 6:15am and emailed my work, telling them that i would be out for the day -- a smart choice -- when i got out of bed i could barely stand and had a black and white swath across the back of my mouth.

lazed around for most of the morning, attempting to take care of my body while also being unable to sleep. went to the doctor -- a dream boat; called me sweetheart -- and got meds. watched many movies and read.

valley of the dolls is pure gleeful trash. i'm glad that it finally has taken root and i have the patience for it.

in other news, i keep bouncing back and forth between unmistakable libidinousness and sensitive romanticism. things with the-boy-from-the-bar went well for a week or so, but now it seems that either he has already exhausted his emotional room for me (the likelier possibility) or lost interest completely (entirely possible) or, most likely, just seen the distance we've traveled together to be sufficient. that's the rub, right? when one expects the trajectory to be great than the other. not that i thought he was potentially something more that what he was -- though the initial seed had been planted -- but i certianly expected more than a hook up. i tend to do this: i tend to semi-arbitrarily select the ones i expect to become more than hook ups and overdraw the account too soon. the ones that i see as hookups somehow fall for me while i spend my energy inadvertently driving the important ones away. i'm sorry if i gave you wrong impression. at heart, i'm just a horny romantic.

i think somehow i will find someone where those two will coexist. i dont really know what kind of patience i have though.